Confessions Of A Mom

When I was asked to write something for the "Real Moms, Real Messy" blog, one of the first things I thought was, "I am going to have to spend a lot of time in prayer to decide what to write about.  As a mother of eight, including two older step-sons who don't live with us; two biological children, one of whom is now a teenager and one that just started elementary school; three adopted children aged four, three, and one; and one foster child, who is five months old, I have had plenty of "real mom" moments.  In fact, I usually have multiple moments on a daily basis.
    The day I was asked, however, I had posted a link to an article on my Facebook page about a woman who was encouraging other women to learn to love their bodies as they are and not focus on what other people think the ideal body should look like.  This topic is so sensitive to women in general, but the article and my comments about it struck a real cord with several people I hold dear to my heart.  Realizing that this was going to be posted only a couple days before New Years Day made it seem like the perfect thing to write about.  After all, how many of us torture ourselves year after year with resolutions we don't ever follow through with, perpetuating the cycle of self hate that I have found to be so pervasive in so many women?
    I grew up overweight.  I can't ever remember a time in my life that I was not overweight.  I was teased mercilessly through most of my public school education, and the combination of that and media portrayal of "beautiful" (ie. skinny) women caused me to really hate my body.  I went through cycles of dieting, and for several periods off and on through the years I went through periods of time where I would "binge and purge."  I would lose some weight, but then I would always bounce back up to where I had been.  It got worse after I started having babies.  Let me tell you, ladies, you don't have to give birth to a child for them to cause you to stop any kind of self care you may have been doing.  I even participated in several "Biggest Loser"style competitions in order to motivate myself to lose weight.
    Then one day I had an epiphany.  Did I want my three daughters to grow up hating their bodies, continually dieting to achieve an ideal of body perfection that is nearly impossible for most women?  Did I want my sons to grow up thinking a woman was somehow "less than" if her body was "more than" the "ideal" size?  I realized that even though it has been years since an insensitive school mate had made me feel bad about myself, my own thoughts had taken over as the bully in my life.  Did I want that to transfer to my own children, who will eventually have to make their own decisions about how they will treat people and even themselves?
    Though I am not currently the size I would like to be, I have come to the place where I am mostly ok with me.  I have to fight those self-devaluing, insecure thoughts often, but I also realize that my husband, my kids, and most importantly, the Lord, love me just the way I am.  While writing this and reflecting on that love, I realized how much my self-hatred had translated into my relationship with God.  Recently I went to the Lord in prayer, and He stopped me before I could start.  I had fully intended on coming to Him in a hang-dog kind of way, because I had messed up at least a hundred times that day as a mom and a wife and even in other areas.  What I believe the Holy Spirit ministered to me in those precious moments before I was allowed to resume my prayer is that God does not want us to come to Him that way.  Yes, the flaws are there, but He doesn't see the flaws.  He sees the love that He has for us.  That doesn't mean He won't work on the flaws, but He loves us despite them.
    Just as we need to learn to love ourselves as we are, we need to realize that our Abba loves us the way we are as well.  Think about the fact that faith works by love.  I had always thought that the love that verse was talking about was my love for others, but I'm also finding that it works by faith in the love that He has for us.  If you don't believe that you measure up enough, how will you have faith in God's love for healing, provision, deliverance, grace, and all the good things He has in store for  you?  There are certainly other things that can cause us not to inherit His precious promises, but I truly believe that one of the main things that has held me back on many occasions was my own belief that I had to measure up before He would do it.  He doesn't want us to have those promises because we measure up.  He wants us to have the promises because He loves us.  God so loved the world that He gave.  He didn't wait for the world to get its act together to send Jesus.  He gave Him while we were all lost.  That is why you can come "boldly to the throne of grace," not as someone who has it all together, but as someone who is deeply, truly, and passionately loved by God just the way you are. And you are beautiful.
-Judith-

You really homeschool??

Did I catch your attention? To answer that question, yes I do. Actually, yes we do. Real moms real messy aka Shawn and Jen.
Now, I don't need to sit here and give you all the reasons we choose too and I don't need to explain, defend, or talk up homeschooling in all it's greatness and glory. Here's why. Not everyone would understand. That's ok. I know for our family we prayed about it. I know Shawn and her family prayed about it too. That should be good enough right?
You see I know not only homeschoolers get criticized, but so do parents who send their kids to public, private, and charter or whatever other choices there are out there!
I was raised a homeschooler and even though I wasn't taught that "homeschooling is the only way" somehow I thought it, and I let that narrow mindedness follow me until one day we went from homeschooling to putting our kids in public school. GASP!!! What a hypocrite I was!! It wasn't that I couldn't have handled continuing to homeschool (I could have but not enjoyed it). Something wasn't right. I couldn't explain it.  So, my husband and I prayed and we felt led to put them in school. This went against everything I thought to be best, I thought I was throwing my kids to the wolves, (believe me I have heard that before), I thought they would be damaged by society. I thought I must not love them enough to be able to have them home. See how the enemy works? He puts fear in us and it allows everything we do, say, and think to be led by fear. But think about this...What if our public schools were void of Christian kids?!!?Those kids are being a light in SO much darkness! Think about the friendships and bonds that take place between pupils and teachers! God can and does use our children for the sake of bringing people into his kingdom, or even just planting seeds. There is a reason God calls Christians to be in the public school!  Our kids have impacted others when they were in school. We heard nothing but praises about our children's behavior , grades, and respect towards others. That makes us proud parents and it makes us realize there is a difference and it was being noticed. They made a difference! My kids invited their school friends and teachers to church, and they came!! GOOD things came from that!
 Now fast forward 5 years. My husband and I are homeschooling all our children this year!!! Ha! At least the Lord prepared me a year beforehand knowing this would occur. You see, God knows me and He totally prepared and softened my heart and got me excited about this!
What brought these changes? Praying, listening to Gods voice, and being led by peace and not fear. But some would say " it's not healthy to bounce your kids around", or "now their going to have social issues being homeschooled". Wow because we homeschoolers NEVER get out of the house and interact with other people. Yes I'm being facetious :)  But seriously, Really? Says who? Because if God led us to make this decision then wouldn't He know best? Wouldn't he know if it would be too much? I think so. I think I will put my trust in God rather than man. We all know what happens when we start following the voices of others rather than THE ONE. I love homeschooling like you wouldn't believe! I can't imagine anything different. But that doesn't mean I think it's for everyone:) That also doesn't mean I look down upon others just because they don't.
If you homeschool GOOD FOR YOU!!!
 If you don't homeschool GOOD FOR YOU!
If your kids are in private, GOOD FOR YOU!
If your kids are in a charter school GOOD FOR YOU!!!

You see it's a win win for us all!!
Can't we just accept that parents are making the decisions that are best for their family? Can't we stop judging one another? You see it's not our place, and our opinion doesn't matter. What matters is YOU making the best choice for your family. Other people don't know our needs and they don't know our reasoning's behind some of the decisions we make. Let's let God be the voice we hear above all else!! I pray everyone of you feel confident in whatever season and place God has you and your family in. Just don't be so set in your ways like I was to prevent things from taking a drastic change:)
Happy schooling to you all!!
-Jen-

I'm Better Than You

The words "I'm better than you" sounds pretty arrogant right? I think that phrase can also be worded "Your wrong I'm right" or "I know best". All of those are very selfish and judgmental statements but yet I have found myself thinking these things before. Not intentionally of course but it seems to happen nonetheless. We all have been guilty of this I'm sure, or maybe I'm being judgmental by assuming so?:) You see we judge people and we judge a lot. How? We judge them for what they wear, what they drive, how they parent, what church they go to or if they don't go at all, if they home school or not,  how their marriage is or isn't, if they drink, if they smoke, if they are a Christian or someone desperately needing Christ, if they are still single at an older age, if they have a like or dislike for animals, if they are a good housekeeper or not, if they can cook or choose take out, if their kids are in multiple sports, or if their kids aren't in anything at all, if they take elaborate vacations, or if they vacation at home, if their kids have the latest fads of everything, or if they choose for their kids to have very minimal of things. These are all thoughts that scream "I am better than you!!"
You see I don't WANT to have a judgmental attitude or heart towards anyone or anything. But it's not just going to happen! I have to be intentional, I have to walk in love, I have to remember that their not me and God didn't call every person to live the same and to make the same decisions He has called me to. That doesn't make them wrong and me right. When that sunk into my thick skull after 32 years it was freeing! You see we're taught not to judge, I've heard it my whole life. But when I examined myself I realized just how judgmental I have really been... It was humbling to say the least.
But when I stop and remember that God does know best, He knows it all, His ways are better than my ways, His plans and thoughts are higher than mine, He has my best interest at heart, then I can rest knowing this, and you should too:) I can't do anything on my own. It's all because of Him. So if I can't do anything without Him, how do I know best?  The answer is: I don't. Plain and simple!
See, we are called to love people as Christ loves us. Those are big shoes to fill and I know this but I'm going to try my hardest! He loves us all the same. He loves that prostitute as much as that preacher, that murderer as much as that "Mother Therese" out there,  He loves that mother who had an abortion as much as the one who opted for adoption instead. He loves that gay person as much as the straight one and He doesn't love you or me more than anyone else. Yes, there is a right and wrong but our job isn't to judge, our job, our responsibility, is to love despite those things. Gods love isn't dependent on what we do. Now let that sink in a minute. If God can do this why can't we? Why can't we choose to love people for who they are? Not what they do or don't do. Love is what wins people and turns them to Christ. How can we do anything if we don't have love? It's hard to love when judgement is a constant thing in our life and society. The first step to loving is learning to be loved by Christ. When we start to do that, loving others should be easier, judging should start to fall away.
Now, we're not a perfect people and we will continue to make mistakes and judge. We still sin. But we sure can do our best and love despite every logical reason not to. Love is unconditional remember?
So when those judgmental thoughts come, throw them away. All it takes is remembering who you are and how God sees you despite what you do or have done. If that doesn't give you a little perspective I don't know what will, but I do know this: I won't judge you for it!:)
-Jen-

Ladies Night Out

There is something so refreshing about getting out with other ladies, and just sharing with one another about the things happening in your life! About a year ago, a small group of friends gathered together to connect, and be edified by one another. (The above picture is from that night) And during that night, we realized that this was something we needed to do on a monthly basis. And we have grown in size, as on this first night, not all the ladies were able to make it.
We have enjoyed visiting different restaurants, and seeing one another every month. I know that for myself, whenever we get together, I am amazed at how much I am refreshed by our time together, and find myself laughing enough laughs to last until the next month when we come together again. As women we sometimes feel isolated in our day to day struggles, and when we hear others sharing the same struggles and how they are getting through it, it truly helps you feel a little less alone.
I know that the Lord is always with me, and I am never truly alone, and my husband is always right there to listen to me as well, but there is nothing like hanging out with friends, and letting loose from the normal every day mom life :)
So ladies, if you don't have a few, or even one, friend to connect with on a normal basis, ask the Lord to bring some true, lasting, edifying, gals into your life. And then make a point to get together with them, and not only share where you are, but truly listen to where they are, and more than anything else- LAUGH!!! ALOT!!!!! You deserve it! :)