Confessions Of A Mom

When I was asked to write something for the "Real Moms, Real Messy" blog, one of the first things I thought was, "I am going to have to spend a lot of time in prayer to decide what to write about.  As a mother of eight, including two older step-sons who don't live with us; two biological children, one of whom is now a teenager and one that just started elementary school; three adopted children aged four, three, and one; and one foster child, who is five months old, I have had plenty of "real mom" moments.  In fact, I usually have multiple moments on a daily basis.
    The day I was asked, however, I had posted a link to an article on my Facebook page about a woman who was encouraging other women to learn to love their bodies as they are and not focus on what other people think the ideal body should look like.  This topic is so sensitive to women in general, but the article and my comments about it struck a real cord with several people I hold dear to my heart.  Realizing that this was going to be posted only a couple days before New Years Day made it seem like the perfect thing to write about.  After all, how many of us torture ourselves year after year with resolutions we don't ever follow through with, perpetuating the cycle of self hate that I have found to be so pervasive in so many women?
    I grew up overweight.  I can't ever remember a time in my life that I was not overweight.  I was teased mercilessly through most of my public school education, and the combination of that and media portrayal of "beautiful" (ie. skinny) women caused me to really hate my body.  I went through cycles of dieting, and for several periods off and on through the years I went through periods of time where I would "binge and purge."  I would lose some weight, but then I would always bounce back up to where I had been.  It got worse after I started having babies.  Let me tell you, ladies, you don't have to give birth to a child for them to cause you to stop any kind of self care you may have been doing.  I even participated in several "Biggest Loser"style competitions in order to motivate myself to lose weight.
    Then one day I had an epiphany.  Did I want my three daughters to grow up hating their bodies, continually dieting to achieve an ideal of body perfection that is nearly impossible for most women?  Did I want my sons to grow up thinking a woman was somehow "less than" if her body was "more than" the "ideal" size?  I realized that even though it has been years since an insensitive school mate had made me feel bad about myself, my own thoughts had taken over as the bully in my life.  Did I want that to transfer to my own children, who will eventually have to make their own decisions about how they will treat people and even themselves?
    Though I am not currently the size I would like to be, I have come to the place where I am mostly ok with me.  I have to fight those self-devaluing, insecure thoughts often, but I also realize that my husband, my kids, and most importantly, the Lord, love me just the way I am.  While writing this and reflecting on that love, I realized how much my self-hatred had translated into my relationship with God.  Recently I went to the Lord in prayer, and He stopped me before I could start.  I had fully intended on coming to Him in a hang-dog kind of way, because I had messed up at least a hundred times that day as a mom and a wife and even in other areas.  What I believe the Holy Spirit ministered to me in those precious moments before I was allowed to resume my prayer is that God does not want us to come to Him that way.  Yes, the flaws are there, but He doesn't see the flaws.  He sees the love that He has for us.  That doesn't mean He won't work on the flaws, but He loves us despite them.
    Just as we need to learn to love ourselves as we are, we need to realize that our Abba loves us the way we are as well.  Think about the fact that faith works by love.  I had always thought that the love that verse was talking about was my love for others, but I'm also finding that it works by faith in the love that He has for us.  If you don't believe that you measure up enough, how will you have faith in God's love for healing, provision, deliverance, grace, and all the good things He has in store for  you?  There are certainly other things that can cause us not to inherit His precious promises, but I truly believe that one of the main things that has held me back on many occasions was my own belief that I had to measure up before He would do it.  He doesn't want us to have those promises because we measure up.  He wants us to have the promises because He loves us.  God so loved the world that He gave.  He didn't wait for the world to get its act together to send Jesus.  He gave Him while we were all lost.  That is why you can come "boldly to the throne of grace," not as someone who has it all together, but as someone who is deeply, truly, and passionately loved by God just the way you are. And you are beautiful.
-Judith-

You really homeschool??

Did I catch your attention? To answer that question, yes I do. Actually, yes we do. Real moms real messy aka Shawn and Jen.
Now, I don't need to sit here and give you all the reasons we choose too and I don't need to explain, defend, or talk up homeschooling in all it's greatness and glory. Here's why. Not everyone would understand. That's ok. I know for our family we prayed about it. I know Shawn and her family prayed about it too. That should be good enough right?
You see I know not only homeschoolers get criticized, but so do parents who send their kids to public, private, and charter or whatever other choices there are out there!
I was raised a homeschooler and even though I wasn't taught that "homeschooling is the only way" somehow I thought it, and I let that narrow mindedness follow me until one day we went from homeschooling to putting our kids in public school. GASP!!! What a hypocrite I was!! It wasn't that I couldn't have handled continuing to homeschool (I could have but not enjoyed it). Something wasn't right. I couldn't explain it.  So, my husband and I prayed and we felt led to put them in school. This went against everything I thought to be best, I thought I was throwing my kids to the wolves, (believe me I have heard that before), I thought they would be damaged by society. I thought I must not love them enough to be able to have them home. See how the enemy works? He puts fear in us and it allows everything we do, say, and think to be led by fear. But think about this...What if our public schools were void of Christian kids?!!?Those kids are being a light in SO much darkness! Think about the friendships and bonds that take place between pupils and teachers! God can and does use our children for the sake of bringing people into his kingdom, or even just planting seeds. There is a reason God calls Christians to be in the public school!  Our kids have impacted others when they were in school. We heard nothing but praises about our children's behavior , grades, and respect towards others. That makes us proud parents and it makes us realize there is a difference and it was being noticed. They made a difference! My kids invited their school friends and teachers to church, and they came!! GOOD things came from that!
 Now fast forward 5 years. My husband and I are homeschooling all our children this year!!! Ha! At least the Lord prepared me a year beforehand knowing this would occur. You see, God knows me and He totally prepared and softened my heart and got me excited about this!
What brought these changes? Praying, listening to Gods voice, and being led by peace and not fear. But some would say " it's not healthy to bounce your kids around", or "now their going to have social issues being homeschooled". Wow because we homeschoolers NEVER get out of the house and interact with other people. Yes I'm being facetious :)  But seriously, Really? Says who? Because if God led us to make this decision then wouldn't He know best? Wouldn't he know if it would be too much? I think so. I think I will put my trust in God rather than man. We all know what happens when we start following the voices of others rather than THE ONE. I love homeschooling like you wouldn't believe! I can't imagine anything different. But that doesn't mean I think it's for everyone:) That also doesn't mean I look down upon others just because they don't.
If you homeschool GOOD FOR YOU!!!
 If you don't homeschool GOOD FOR YOU!
If your kids are in private, GOOD FOR YOU!
If your kids are in a charter school GOOD FOR YOU!!!

You see it's a win win for us all!!
Can't we just accept that parents are making the decisions that are best for their family? Can't we stop judging one another? You see it's not our place, and our opinion doesn't matter. What matters is YOU making the best choice for your family. Other people don't know our needs and they don't know our reasoning's behind some of the decisions we make. Let's let God be the voice we hear above all else!! I pray everyone of you feel confident in whatever season and place God has you and your family in. Just don't be so set in your ways like I was to prevent things from taking a drastic change:)
Happy schooling to you all!!
-Jen-

I'm Better Than You

The words "I'm better than you" sounds pretty arrogant right? I think that phrase can also be worded "Your wrong I'm right" or "I know best". All of those are very selfish and judgmental statements but yet I have found myself thinking these things before. Not intentionally of course but it seems to happen nonetheless. We all have been guilty of this I'm sure, or maybe I'm being judgmental by assuming so?:) You see we judge people and we judge a lot. How? We judge them for what they wear, what they drive, how they parent, what church they go to or if they don't go at all, if they home school or not,  how their marriage is or isn't, if they drink, if they smoke, if they are a Christian or someone desperately needing Christ, if they are still single at an older age, if they have a like or dislike for animals, if they are a good housekeeper or not, if they can cook or choose take out, if their kids are in multiple sports, or if their kids aren't in anything at all, if they take elaborate vacations, or if they vacation at home, if their kids have the latest fads of everything, or if they choose for their kids to have very minimal of things. These are all thoughts that scream "I am better than you!!"
You see I don't WANT to have a judgmental attitude or heart towards anyone or anything. But it's not just going to happen! I have to be intentional, I have to walk in love, I have to remember that their not me and God didn't call every person to live the same and to make the same decisions He has called me to. That doesn't make them wrong and me right. When that sunk into my thick skull after 32 years it was freeing! You see we're taught not to judge, I've heard it my whole life. But when I examined myself I realized just how judgmental I have really been... It was humbling to say the least.
But when I stop and remember that God does know best, He knows it all, His ways are better than my ways, His plans and thoughts are higher than mine, He has my best interest at heart, then I can rest knowing this, and you should too:) I can't do anything on my own. It's all because of Him. So if I can't do anything without Him, how do I know best?  The answer is: I don't. Plain and simple!
See, we are called to love people as Christ loves us. Those are big shoes to fill and I know this but I'm going to try my hardest! He loves us all the same. He loves that prostitute as much as that preacher, that murderer as much as that "Mother Therese" out there,  He loves that mother who had an abortion as much as the one who opted for adoption instead. He loves that gay person as much as the straight one and He doesn't love you or me more than anyone else. Yes, there is a right and wrong but our job isn't to judge, our job, our responsibility, is to love despite those things. Gods love isn't dependent on what we do. Now let that sink in a minute. If God can do this why can't we? Why can't we choose to love people for who they are? Not what they do or don't do. Love is what wins people and turns them to Christ. How can we do anything if we don't have love? It's hard to love when judgement is a constant thing in our life and society. The first step to loving is learning to be loved by Christ. When we start to do that, loving others should be easier, judging should start to fall away.
Now, we're not a perfect people and we will continue to make mistakes and judge. We still sin. But we sure can do our best and love despite every logical reason not to. Love is unconditional remember?
So when those judgmental thoughts come, throw them away. All it takes is remembering who you are and how God sees you despite what you do or have done. If that doesn't give you a little perspective I don't know what will, but I do know this: I won't judge you for it!:)
-Jen-

Ladies Night Out

There is something so refreshing about getting out with other ladies, and just sharing with one another about the things happening in your life! About a year ago, a small group of friends gathered together to connect, and be edified by one another. (The above picture is from that night) And during that night, we realized that this was something we needed to do on a monthly basis. And we have grown in size, as on this first night, not all the ladies were able to make it.
We have enjoyed visiting different restaurants, and seeing one another every month. I know that for myself, whenever we get together, I am amazed at how much I am refreshed by our time together, and find myself laughing enough laughs to last until the next month when we come together again. As women we sometimes feel isolated in our day to day struggles, and when we hear others sharing the same struggles and how they are getting through it, it truly helps you feel a little less alone.
I know that the Lord is always with me, and I am never truly alone, and my husband is always right there to listen to me as well, but there is nothing like hanging out with friends, and letting loose from the normal every day mom life :)
So ladies, if you don't have a few, or even one, friend to connect with on a normal basis, ask the Lord to bring some true, lasting, edifying, gals into your life. And then make a point to get together with them, and not only share where you are, but truly listen to where they are, and more than anything else- LAUGH!!! ALOT!!!!! You deserve it! :)

This is NOT fun!

If you know me at all you probably know that I am always saying the word fun :) I love this word, as I know that the Lord would want us to enjoy all that He has given us, and when I think about enjoying things, the first word that comes to my mind is FUN! Well let me tell you that I do enjoy everything that I have, and I am grateful for everyday that I have, but I am also not blind to the fact that it's not all fun. Let me share with you some of the things that are not fun about being a mom, in hopes that you also, can recognize that we are blessed, but we also know that not every waking moment of motherhood is fun.

First off I do not find it to be fun, that I cannot use the restroom without being interrupted! I will confess, that I have used the bathroom before as my "get away" spot, and have tried to ignore the knocks on the door, as I am praying for grace and patience :), but those knocks soon turn to yelling, and soon to follow crying, as all they want is to be by me. I can remember when my little ones were new borns, and to take a bath without them crying to be fed, just did not happen.

I also don't find it fun to have someone pushing, pulling, talking, or just plain touching me every minute of every waking hour. I do love cuddling with my kids, don't get me wrong! But I also have children that must have touch as their love language, because they feel the need to be right by me all day long. And by the time my husband gets home from work, I just want alone time, which isn't fun to him at all. 

I don't find it to be fun when I talk in a normal voice, and know my kids can hear me, but choose not to listen until I raise my voice to a level that we would all call yelling. And yes this does happen daily :)

I REALLY don't like it when the mystery boy (or boys) in our house continually leave the seat down every time they go to the bathroom, and don't bother to clean up after themselves. And just to be clear, THEY MISS ALOT!!!! 

There is nothing fun about spending hours to organize my children's closets, just to find that within a day, everything has been put right back to where it was before I started cleaning. And some days, I think it would be easier to get rid of all their clothes except for 5 outfits, but have never really acted on that thought :)

And truly something I dislike, is the fact that no matter how much I pay attention to my children, at the end of the day, I have to fight off mommy regret, that I haven't done a good enough job.

And I could continue to list things off here but I think you catch my drift. You see being a mom is not always fun, and we don't have to enjoy every minute of every day to be a good mom. And I can say that some of the funniest stories that I share with others or my children are things that happened in one of those NOT fun moments. It does make for a good laugh much, much later! So don't stress if you find yourself feeling like this thing called parenting is a bit stressful, but know that you will survive, and it's ok to not be happy and in a good mood all the time. We are mothers and our jobs require alot out of us, as we cook, clean, teach, drive, pay bills, and all the other things that fall into our care as we do this thing called motherhood. And I for one am going to enjoy it, and not be blind to the stresses of it, all at the same time. 

My True Ministry Calling

Have you ever had a season in life you look back on and think "How did I do it?" Not long ago I was in a season of having my plate so full that my head was spinning so fast and I wasn't even aware it was spinning! 
Everyone around knew it... but me:)

It was a season full of good things, God things! Big and small things!  You see, I was very involved with serving in our church, and I loved it! Life was great and I felt fulfilled, challenged and motivated. I felt like I was pleasing to the Lord and to my leaders. There was absolutely a grace in this season.

Then I started to feel things slowly changing. I took on one role after another because "hey this was for the sake of the ministry, how could I not step up and do it?" "If I didn't do it who was going to?" I was needed and I was capable so why not? Well, ever heard that saying that just because it's a good idea doesn't mean it's a God idea? I mean He is the one who knows how much I could take on. At the time I truly thought it was what God was calling me to do, because how could serving the church, serving the ministry NOT be what He wanted? So, to say I took time to really pray and listen and be lead and guided by peace is not exactly accurate. I didn't give myself time to do or feel any of those things. Excitement got the best of me I guess.

You see God had already given me a full time ministry. I could even do it in the comfort of my own home! People were dependent on me to teach them how to love the Lord. How to make Him a priority in their life. How to follow, listen and be lead by Him and Him alone. This was the ideal ministry!  These people looked up to me and counted on me. Those people were my children.

In all my serving for the body of Christ I had started to let go of serving my family. My priorities has shifted and I didn't even realize it! When the kids behavior started changing that was a clue. When date nights started to be less and less, that was a clue. When I couldn't keep up on housework like I used to, that was a clue. When I couldn't even think unless it was about ministry, that was a clue. When I couldn't plan anything because my days were all busy for ministry purposes, that was a clue. When my mind couldn't function because I had been staring at the computer, reading or writing e-mail after e-mail, that was a clue. I was like a zombie but a happy one if there ever was such a thing:-) At least I told myself I was happy. 

But thanks be to God who is so loving that He ever so gently reminds us what to do. Sometimes He uses our friends, our spouse, our family or a complete stranger to get our attention, to shift our focus back on what's most important.
Now let me be loud and clear about something. Serving in church is NOT BAD!!!!! God calls many people to serve in many different capacities. It's when we let our priorities get mixed up and we aren't taking care of the most important thing He has given us! For me, that was my family.

You know through all of this I realized you don't have to be in the church building to serve the Lord! I knew this but I didn't really feel like I could. God has showed me I can touch many people including my family from right where I am. I am serving a purpose here at home! My kids are only little for so long. I don't want to miss out on anything! I treasure the time that I have with them because I know how fast they grow. Proverbs 26:2 tells us "train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old, he shall not depart from it. How could I do that if all my time, energy and focus were on everything else? You can't and I couldn't.

I wanted my children to know who is their source for everything, who they put their trust in, who they call upon when they need wisdom and understanding, who they turn to for everything! How would they know if I didn't have time to teach them? 

We as parents can't rely on the church or teachers, or grandparents or friends to teach and raise our children. Yes, they can be great sources of help but God gave us our children, not them. They are our responsibility and they are a gift. They are to be enjoyed, they are to be loved on, they are to be heard and acknowledged. They are to be treated special! Doesn't our heavenly Father do that for us? I want to see my children as Christ sees them, as a treasure. Again, our children are only little for so long and I don't want to miss out on the smallest of things. I don't want to have any regrets. Does that mean I am going to teach with perfection and never make a mistake? Of course not! But I will do my best and let God fill in the gaps, He's the best at that anyway isn't' He? :-) 

Now, seasons change and I know this, but for now I will cherish every moment in my ministry. I will not rush it and I will not just "get through it." I am focused, I am intentional, and best of all I am FULFILLED in my calling as a mother.

I'm Just Not Her.

Do you ever find that your comparing yourself with other women? I have, and I do. There are a few particular things I find myself envying a little bit about other moms. Want to hear them? Good! I'm so glad you said yes because here I go:

 The mom who runs around and accomplishes all her errands with all kids in tow, and doesn't seem bothered, not even the slightest and she does it with a SMILE on her face.  Nope, I'm just not her.

The mom who makes all her children's clothes, matching none the less and has the girls hair all cutely decorated with headbands or bows. ALL THE TIME. Nope, I'm just not her!

The mom who can tackle all her kids plus yours for a whole day and call it "fun." Seriously, yes those people do exist! They are some of my most treasured friends!! But nope, I'm just not her.

The mom who goes to re-occurring play dates, and makes it look like it was a piece of cake getting every kid ready and out the door without a forgotten item (or kid) and happened to pack a 5 course meal boxed lunch for them, . AND  she's not ready to collapse! She's energized and ready to engage in conversation!  Nope I'm just not her either!

The woman who DOESN'T get overwhelmed  when she has 2 appointments in one week and doesn't fret about it the whole week prior thinking of how exhausting and mentally draining its going to be JUST to make it to those appointments. I am absolutely just NOT her.

The woman who doesn't mind unannounced visits. She actually welcomes them!! Hahahahaha.  That's definitely just not me, I'm just not her!!

You see, the list could go on and on. Thinking on what I WISH I was and what I WISH I could be to everyone is a deadly trap all in itself. I am not perfect and I fail and sometimes I don't know what to do. But, I do know WHAT And WHO I am right now: I am a mother to 7 beautiful children. Yes I am THEIR mother. God has equipped me to be just what they need!! God has gifted me with ability's to be able to take care of my family the way He intended and they love me for it! Imagine that?!
You see, I used to think these were flaws, that I didn't measure up to the "perfect" woman I thought up in my head. I thought I needed to change and I did, but I needed to change my perspective. I needed to remember who God created me to be. I am MORE than enough for my family. I may not always feel like I am but then again do we ever ALWAYS feel totally capable as a mother? No, of course not!

I don't think I am alone in this. So momma's there it is. The next time you find that little mind of yours comparing yourself to that "perfect" woman remind yourself of something. Your just not her. You are MORE than enough for your kids, just the way you are. That is truly WHO you are.

Don't Force it!

I have found that I really enjoy going to the tanners! Not only does it boost my energy, but it is a time that I can hear nothing else but my thoughts, and to dream. I know that as a child I use to always take time and day dream about how I wanted things to be and to see in my heart what it was that I was going after. And almost every time I would see those things come to pass because I spent time catching the vision. As I was trying out a new tanning facility recently, I went in to use a hydrotherapy bed, that I had heard Jenn raving about , well in the same conversation she was also sharing about a RED light therapy treatment that they do at this tanning facility. So I get in this bed and the steam begins to start, and I remember her telling me about a calf massager. As I was thinking about getting my legs into a position to find this massager, I was also reading the warning sign above my head to not touch the steamers, they may burn. Well let me tell you, as I shoved my leg into a crevace that clearly was not designed for my leg to go into, but my brain was focused on the massage, I screamed in pain as my calf found the top of one of those steamers and got burned. I was so embarrassed that I had done this to myself, and wondering how I did not put the warning sign above my face together with shoving my leg into that hole!

Well, I got out to tan, and then do the RED treatment, and soon realized that it was during the RED treatment that my calves would be massaged in an amazing massage chair. And as I was laying there thinking about what all had transpired during my visit, I realized that in life, we are always hearing from the Lord and trying to shove ourselves into what we want to see happen without being patient, and so many times the result of this is that we get burned out.  And I know that sometimes I have even put myself in the middle of something that I knew I shouldn’t be in, and at the end of doing so I have felt the heat!

Don’t force things to happen in your life, but let patience have its perfect work, that you may be thoroughly complete, lacking no good thing!

Why

Isn't that the question we ask ourselves all the time? Why? Why do I feel like this? Why are my kids not listening to me right now? Why do I even bother? Why does this seem so hard? Why can't I get more done in a day? We can ask why, about so many things in a day! I know that I often question my parenting skills, and wife skills, or lack there of sometimes. As I am always learning, always growing, and constantly changing.  I remember each of my children going through a season of constantly asking me why. I believe somewhere around 2 to 3 years old they did this, and sometimes they still do. And as mom, I think to myself  "because I am your mom and I said, so just listen to me"! But I am reminded as I go throughout my day and begin to ask why, that if I am walking in the path the Lord prepared for me, the question actually becomes why not. Why not giggle and enjoy the small things we come across in our day, and find the love, patience, and grace that the Lord has supplied in that moment for that situation. Why not put down the phone or the computer, and truly listen to what my child is saying to me, and answer having fully acknowledged what they said, rather than thinking "why are you asking me right now, can't you see I am busy, and give me a moment?"

I realize that not every day is going to run picture perfect, and look how we would want them to look, but I do know that every day is a gift from the Lord, and we are not promised a tomorrow. So let's enjoy today, and take time to find joy in even the small things!